Author Topic: The head-turner is a Fiat  (Read 2083 times)

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The head-turner is a Fiat
« on: August 07, 2006, 05:12:18 PM »
ARE cars sexy? Well, I wouldn't have thought so myself but, apparently, they are.

And the most alluring of them all is the Fiat 500, which recently beat a stunning field of exceptionally sexy, um, cars to win Britain's Top Gear magazine's Sexiest Car in the World competition.

Now, I wouldn't know a Fiat from a Fiesta, but Top Gear says the Fiat 500 has everyone from "strapping blokes to fainting flowers of womanhood'' looking sexually charged behind its wheel.

Top Gear goes on to say: "The Fiat 500 works irrespective of age, beauty, wealth or position - even a nun in a 500 seems to telegraph a faint tingle of the procreative urge.''

Excuse me? Fainting flowers of womanhood?

Nuns telegraphing faint tinglings of the procreative urge?

I didn't know Barbara Cartland wrote for Top Gear, did you?

Sir Richard swung his Fiat 500 smoothly into the abbey and spotted Sister Miranda, a fainting flower of womanhood if ever there was one, walking across the cobblestones.

"Good morning,'' he growled through the window as Sister Miranda looked up and, despite her vows and the stifling heat, felt the faint but unmistakable tingle of the procreative urge through her habit.

Clearly, I am wasted as a columnist and should be writing for Mills and Boon.

But, really, it's all a bit much, isn't it?

Especially when Top Gear adds that the second place-getter, the Aston Martin DBS, has a special place in the heads and loins of middle-aged men.

Look, I don't know about you, but I really don't want to think about middle-aged men and the special place in their loins, do you?

And certainly not while I'm driving.

Frankly, it all sounds a bit ridiculous to me, but what do I know? I'm not Kim Cattrall attempting to work my way through the Karma Sutra with my Nissan Tiida.

Have you seen that television advertisement starring Kim, best known from the hit television series Sex And The City? It shows her frantically trying to tempt us all into buying the Tiida by, as far as I can tell, having sex with it.

I was watching TV the other night when on Kim came, running her hand suggestively along the gearstick, muttering something about how hot her motor was running, licking her lips, and generally writhing about the upholstery so much that for a minute I thought we'd switched to SBS.

We currently own two cars - mine, which is not sexy at all, particularly now it is littered with toys, has a child safety seat and a "Honk if you love The Wiggles'' sticker on it - and John's classic 1965 Ford Falcon XP.

Now, that XP used to be mine many moons ago and, let me tell you, girls, if you want to meet a man, buy a classic car, drive it to the service station, go in, buy your petrol, and when you come out there will be hordes of men gathered around your car, running their hands all over it.

Granted, they will all be married, middle-aged, saying things like, "My Pop had a car like that when I was a boy'', and they may possibly be crying. But they will be men.

As for me, I have never, ever found cars sexy in the slightest, and am far more likely to be attracted to the person behind the wheel than the wheel itself.

If Colin Firth, for example, was to ask me out on a date - be quiet: it could happen - I certainly wouldn't be worried about the sort of car he'd be driving.
     (frances blog)